Nut Cutting Time

Too busy spit-polishing my douche-boots to blog, so I'll just crib the tubes.

A good friend posted this to my facebook in response to my Cranky McCrank (and no, you can't friend me):

cranky? how about fuckin pissed. the trick is either that the $1 trillion is enough, or they don't have a fuckin clue and it is just the tip of the iceberg (not to mention the $30 billion bear stearns bailout, the $150 billion "stimulus" checks) - either way, I hope the lesson isn't lost that there is enough money out there to cover real human demands (if the iraq occupation didnt already let us know that). universal health care should be right around the corner, free college? infrastructure development? rehabing neighbor schools?

but really, if they knew for sure that $1 trillion was enough that suggests the firms know how much bad debt they have, which in turn means they have been straight up lying about their write downs- in a post-Enron/ sarbane-oxley world, we should be seeing a bunch of CEOs in cuffs. which of course won't happen either way...but if they don't know, $1 trillion should just be the tip of the iceberg.

Capitalism is bad- idiot capitalism seems to be worse

And Paul Campos at LG&M had the following awesome left hook. If the Dems bend over for Bush on this, I'm voting Barr:

Bush's approval rating has sunk to 19% in the latest ARG poll. That's lower than Nixon's the week he resigned. Probably the most telling stat in the breakdown is that Dubya has an 8% approval rating among self-described independents. Basically every Democrat and almost every independent voter in the country hates him. His remaining support consists of slightly more than half the GOP, and Joe Lieberman.

As Matt Stoller points out, you could probably impeach him and nobody would notice.

So the question becomes, is Bush sufficiently weakened for the Democratic leadership in Congress to tell him thanks, but we'll be drafting any bailout legislation we consider necessary, and you'll be signing it? After all there are about five GOP senators that are no position to be backing the president on anything if they want to live to fight another day.

This is what LBJ used to refer to as "nut-cutting time." Somebody needs to remind Pelosi and Reid and the rest of them just who has the knife now.

But my absolute favorite comes from Angry Bear. Apparently this is making the rounds on Wall Street. I love you Angry Bear:

SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

DEAR AMERICAN:

I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON

After you're done emptying your wallet for Paulson, consider signing this petition: Main Street before Wall Street.

At the very least, this can't be a handout. Since the fundamentals are sound, lets get that perpetually preferred stock at a 10% rate of return that Buffett's getting.

P.S. If the following is correct, Bear Stearns bailout actually cost $290 billion, not $29 billion, meaning we can't print any of the Trillion the Treasury requests. Is Buffet going to pony up for that also? China, please save us! Assholes.